The Depth Of Each Moment

I am a Teacher

2009-04-22T19:53:00.000-04:00

7 Valentine's Days

2009-02-15T08:25:00.003-05:00

Yesterday marked the seventh Valentine's Day that Barrett and I have spent together. Seven!! The years have been a rollercoaster of events and experiences. We have had some amazing life moments that I will cherish forever. I couldn't be more blessed to have Barrett as my husband. Thank you to all of you who have been on the sidelines cheering for us since 2002. We truly cherish our friends and family and we understand how vital you are to our success as a young married couple. Here's to many more v-days in the future!

Best of Lists 2008

2009-01-01T18:28:00.002-05:00

I love the year-end lists that compile the "best of" every December. Here are a few that I wanted to share:

Travel Snapshots

Sports Events

News Stories

Most Annoyingly Catching Songs

Best Books

Best Films

Here's to a great 2009!

Teaching the Young

2008-12-22T18:12:00.003-05:00

The lack of blogging over the past few months is indicative of two things -- I began graduate school, and I started teaching preschool. The weeks and months since my last blog have been full of changes, excitement, and learning experiences. Immediately upon our move to Atlanta I was hired to teach at The Suzuki School in Buckhead, GA. It's a fantastic school with loving families and a wonderful faculty that I've come to truly enjoy. But my days are hectic and there are moments when I wonder what I've gotten myself into. A class of 48 two-year-olds will bring even the best teacher to her knees at times. The mountain of patience that is required just for me to get through the day is enormous. But after all is said in done, at the end of the day, I know I am in the right place for me at this time in my life. There is no other profession that allows a person to give and recieve hugs all day long -- and get paid for it. The unconditional love of a toddler is truly unique. At no other age do children welcome almost anybody into their little circle of comfort without tests and trials. The dimpled smile of my students along with a run-across-the-room hug is what makes my job the best in the world. As someone once said, "They may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel." My goal every day is to make each and every one of them feel special. I'm lucky to be able to do that.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

Are You Ready For Some Football?

2008-09-06T21:50:00.002-04:00

The time is here. Camp is over. Preseason is over. Cuts have been made. And we're ready for some football!!! Tomorrow marks one of my favorite days of the year - opening day for NFL football.

"$5.15 an Hour Don't Buy Diapers"

2008-09-03T08:59:00.008-04:00

Yes, at $5.15 an hour it must be difficult to pay for diapers, formula, child care, and rent. The title of this blog is inspired by a young lady I saw profiled on an HBO documentary yesterday. Although grammatically incorrect, her quote and the desperation behind it, embody a huge problem plaguing this country today: The Plight of the Working Poor.

Every day I take the metrorail to my waitress job in downtown Miami. I walk past many homeless people on my way to the train. Many are there on a daily basis and I've come to recognize them. I then board the train with the working citizens who make the city run. These are construction workers, toll booth operators, waiters, janitors, and many other low-wage employees who just do the grind to pay their bills. I have become enthralled with this class of American citizen and their inability to break the cycle of poverty.

Growing up in a WASP household I truly believed that I could be anything I wanted to be if I just put my mind to it. Gender, money, and socio-economic status where far from my mind. But as I've allowed myself to explore the world a bit, I've discovered that this fantasy I grew up in is just that - a fantasy. Well, maybe not for me. It was possible for me to be whatever I wanted to be, because I was born into the right SES. As cynical and politically incorrect as it sounds, I've found it to be true. There is a large cross-section of our society that is born into poverty and will die in poverty. The in-between part is a hard existence of law-wage jobs, run-down housing, and public transportation.

20/20 ran a show last week called Babyland. It documented the high infant death rate in Memphis, TN. I sat in horror as I watched and learned that black babies die at 3 times the rate of white babies, with Memphis having the highest infant mortality rate in the United States. Babyland is the label that the community has given to the corner of the public cemetery where the county buries infants whose parents can't afford a funeral. Overall, the show concluded that most of these deaths are preventable by quality medical care during pregnancy. In fact, most of the pregnancies are preventable, if the teenagers just had used birth control. This all ends, and begins, with education. Educate these young ladies about birth control, about maternity medical care, and about options for their life other than being teen mothers. This is all they know. They grew up in a neighborhood and a culture in which being pregnant at 16 or 17 is not uncommon.

This a cycle. It is difficult to break the cycle. Last night the Miami city council voted 6 to 5 to raise the Metrorail and Metrobus fare by 50 cents per ride. That may not sound like a lot at first glance, but let's do the math. For a single rider to get to and from work, that adds an extra dollar every day. And that's if they only go to and from work. If you add a trip to the grocery store, day care, baby-daddy's house, or pediatrician, you can be increasing transportation costs by many dollars every week. Those dollars add up and can really cut into the budget of a single mother who is working two jobs to buy diapers and formula. I understand that costs must increase as fuel costs increase and inflation grasps our country. I understand that. My point is just that the cycle was hard to break before. Now it's 50 cents harder - one way.

The quote from this blog title by the girl I mentioned earlier was made by her at boot camp as she joined the Army. Yes. boot camp. She had decided that the only way she could provide for her baby and put food on the table, with quality health care was to join the United States Army. Now, I'm not knocking the Army. I'm glad that our government provides our soldiers with good pay and benefits. But I think it's sad that this single mother saw it as her only option. There's something wrong with that. She was being shipped to Iraq not long after boot camp. So her baby will have money and medical care but maybe not a Mom, at least not for the next year.

Many of the Metrorail riders downtown are community college students. These mostly minority students are trying to get an education, probably while holding down a job. This fare hike is going to affect them, too. These young citizens trying to break the cycle. Trying to better their lives.

As I rode the train on Saturday to the mall, I watched a young black mother brushing the hair of her baby daughter. I sat and wondered if this baby would be sucked into the cycle that, most likely, her mother is a victim of. I hope for the best for her, but I also know that unless something systemically changes, there is not much chance of breaking the cycle.

Friends

2008-08-15T06:35:00.002-04:00

As I prepare to board a plane on my way to Arkansas for Julie's wedding I begin to reminisce about old friends and how special they really are. Throughout my 25 years, I've had many types of friends.

There were the casual friends I hung out with in school in Rogers. I might have even invited them to a birthday party or sleepover. But, I have no contact with them now, except through Facebook. Then there were the uber-popular kids when I was a teenager that I wanted to be able to call friends, but once I got to truly know them I didn't want them to be a part of my life. There were college friends who I thought I'd stay in touch with forever. We made bonds, we made pacts. But then life happened. We moved to opposite coasts, we got married, began careers, and throughout the years the once-strong friendship just faded.

Then there are the good friends. Not just good - fantastic - friends. These are the ones who are occupy a spot in my heart. I have just a few of these friends. My friendship with a couple of them spans a decade or longer. My friendship with a few more only began 2 or 3 years ago. But they are each special to me. I can pick up the phone and call any of them at any time. They truly are wonderful women.

As I get older and move through this roller coaster of life, I realize the importance of true, deep friendships. I am thankful for these girls and I hope they know how rich they make my life.

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.” -unknown

Make A Difference Today

2008-07-28T20:39:00.004-04:00

Take the time to change a life.
www.feedthechildren.org

Have a Little Faith

2008-07-12T17:55:00.002-04:00

"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith." -Mary Mannin Morrissey

The fear I expressed in my last blog has been replaced by hope over the past week. Along with the above quote, I also have been moved by the following: "faith isn't faith until it's all you're clinging to." I'm not sure who said that last one, but if you dwell on those words for a moment you realize how true they are. It's easy to have faith when the skies are blue, the rent is paid, and the marriage is perfect. Faith really becomes faith during hard times. When you have no one to turn to. When your dollar needs to stretch a little further. When you're not sure if your life is on the right path. That's when we can call upon the faith we keep in our back pocket. Faith that will get us through. Somehow 3 fish can feed a crowd. Somehow the clouds move on and the sun shines again. Somehow we make it through. I don't begin to know why or how, but having faith has worked for me. Sure, we have to do our part to make things happen. But when faith is all you're clinging to, that's when we receive clarification for our questions and answers for our problems. It's the rock bottom of hope. It's the knot on the end of our happiness rope right before we fall off. Faith is like a life-preserver when you are too weak to tread water. It's necessary for survival. It's necessary for happiness. It's necessary to get through this crazy ride we call life.

There's No Place Like Home....But Where's Home?

2008-07-07T20:48:00.002-04:00

I need to renew my car tags by the end of this month. So I go online to complete this process in enough time to have the new stickers mailed from Arkansas to me here in Miami. It turns out that I am required to have a renewal ID number to register online. The website tells me that the ID number is on the reminder letter that was mailed to the address registered with the owner of the car. So, I call my mother to see if the letter was mailed to her house. It was. But the letter informs her that I have a mandatory license plate replacement this year. I can't get new tags without a new license plate. This sounds like an unnecessary money taking venture by the state of Arkansas. But, that aside, I must get new plates. As you all know, I do not live in Arkansas. I live in Miami, FL (aka Latin America). So my poor mother is going to do the horrible deed for me, probably at 7am at the DMV. She then will mail me the tags and I will mail her a check for $19.75 for the plates.

The reason for this story is that it makes me miss home. There truly is no place like home, but where is my home right now? I have a Texas ID that has an address on South Hills Drive. I have an Arkansas Driver's License that has an address on Huntington Place. My return address stamps have an address on John Greer Boulevard in Grand Cayman. And my current paycheck has an address on South Miami Avenue. Whenever I purchase something online I have to go through a mental Rolodex to figure out which address corresponds to which credit card.

My doctor is in Arkansas. My car insurance is in Arkansas. My health insurance address is Arkansas. My car tags are registered in Arkansas. You would think I could call Arkansas 'home'. But the last time I actually lived in Arkansas was 2002! 2002!! That was 6 years ago.

Today was a crazy, difficult day. On my way home from a disastrous trip to Sam's Club, Office Max, Taco Bell, and Walgreen's I muttered under my breath..."I just want to go home." I was not longing for our high-rise apartment in downtown Latin America. I was longing for a home. A home with a familiar bank down the street. My doctor a short distance away. A place with our own furniture and our own paintings on the walls. I want a home. I want to know what my address is every time I make a purchase. I do not feel comfortable as a nomad. I need to be rooted. I long to be rooted in a firm place in my own little garden.

But one thing I know for sure is that if I were to stay rooted in my comfort zone, I would not grow as a person like I am now. I would not have learned to appreciate the life I've been given in the same sense I have over the past 2 years. My favorite story from my High School Youth Group is the description of Jesus walking on water and the disciples watching him from their boat. Jesus told one of them to step out of the boat and walk over to him across the waves. The disciple was scared and did not want to do it. But Jesus said something along the lines of "trust me, I will not let you drown." My youth leader used that story as an example of getting out of your comfort zone and trusting God to take care of you no matter what. I always go back to that when I know I am out of my comfort zone. I need to rely on that today.

This is not a bad life that Barrett and I have in Miami. We are blessed beyond what we deserve. We have a very nice apartment. I car that's paid for and runs well. I have a job. Barrett is in a great school and doing very well. We are blessed. I am not having a pity party for myself. Every once in awhile I just get slapped in the face with the crazy reality of this nomadic lifestyle we currently have. It won't always be this way. I have faith in that. And I'm sure all of this will make me more appreciative of my home when my driver's license, checks, health insurance, car insurance, credit card statement, paycheck and electric bill all have the same address on them.

Let Freedom Ring!

2008-07-04T09:56:00.003-04:00

Happy Fourth Of July Everybody! I love this holiday because it is a no pressure holiday that brings family together. It's all about grilling out, fireworks, and outdoor fun. I wish we could be with our family in Arkansas today, but we are at a point in our life where we are celebrating holidays as a little family of two. I am about to go work on my tan in the Miami sun. Then we are going to my company picnic on the beach, which will be featuring two whole pigs being roasted by our exectuive chef. It should be an experience! I will be sure to take pictures and post them for you all.

Enjoy yourself, be thankful for our freedom, and take a moment to reflect on the men and women in uniform who made this day possible for us as Americans.

How Are You Spending Your Dash?

2008-06-22T02:14:00.001-04:00

Take a few minutes to watch this movie. It might change the way you live your life forever:

http://www.thedashmovie.com/

A Great Loss for Journalism. A Great Loss for the American People.

2008-06-13T19:41:00.003-04:00

Let us all pause to reflect on the loss of a great American, a fiercely honest journalist.

Tim Russert was known for his tough interviews of politicians from both sides of the aisle. He was always determined to get to the bottom of issues and tell the full story to the public.

To a young American who is concerned about the future of this country, and who was a amateaur jounalist, Tim Russert stood for something. He stood for the power of the First Amendment. He stood for Freedom of the Press.

His insight will be missed during this presidential season 2008. His white board and wipe-off marker will be missed. It seems to add a little extra sadness that he will miss the outcome of this election, something that he surely was completely enthralled with.

"Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost." -Thomas Jefferson

Helping the Blind

2008-06-11T18:48:00.002-04:00

I had an amazing experience today. As I stepped off the metrorail on my way to work, a blind man with a seeing-eye dog asked the group on the platform if this current train was going to government center. Some people ignored him, others just answered with a short 'no'. He looked frustrated. I felt a tugging at my heart to help him out. It just seemed wrong to walk away. That wasn't even an option. I walked over to him and confirmed that he was on his way to government center. When he said yes, I kindly told him that he was currently standing on the southbound platform and he needed to be on the northbound platform to get to his destination. He sighed and told me that he had been standing on that southbound platform for a long time, asking many people about the train to government center. He seemed so sad that nobody had informed him that he was on the wrong platform. It choked me up. I find it extremely frustrating that people are so wrapped up in their little bubble worlds that they can't even take a moment to help a clean-cut blind man with a seeing-eye dog who was so obviously lost. Especially when the assistance he needed was simply to direct him to the next platform over. I guided this man to the elevator and we rode down together. At the ground floor, I guided him to another elevator and told him that at the top of the elevator he would be on the correct platform. He seemed genuinely touched. And this touched me unlike anything I've experienced lately. A lady who had been watching us walked up to me and asked me directions because she was a little lost. I helped her find her destination and she said "stay sweet. don't ever change." As she walked away from me she said "this is going to be a good day!". Then, as I dropped my father's day cards into the mailbox down the street, a lady approached me asking for help finding southeast 3rd avenue. I thought about it and looked at the street signs, and I had to tell this lady that I couldn't help her. I apologized and walked on.

I don't know this city very well, and I don't perfectly understand the metrorail system, but I took the time to help these people find their way. I think this situation occurs many times throughout our daily lives. We are given a task or a problem that we are not familiar with or an expert in and we get frustrated. I couldn't help all 3 people who approached me today. I helped two. It made my day and I wasn't even the one who received the help. I cannot solve all the problems that are put in front of me, but I commit to doing my best when I can and admitting I need help or don't know when I find myself in that situation. I challenge you to do the same. Today made me feel good. I agree with the lady that Today Was a Good Day.

2008-06-09T20:35:00.002-04:00

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” -Anthony Robbins

I truly believe in having fun. Don't take it all so seriously. Giggle. Laugh hard. Go play. Act like a kid. I have made a commitment to myself to follow my own advice. If I don't enjoy something, I quit doing it. I take this to the extreme sometimes. If I don't have fun doing my job, I find a new one. If I don't have fun with my current exercise regime, I create a new one. If doing laundry today doesn't sound like fun, then I will do it tomorrow. I live this to the highest level, probably to my detriment in a few cases. You might say, well life isn't always supposed to be fun. And, of course, it isn't. People will get sick. Friends and family members will die. I will have to take exams. I will have to scrub the toilet. These are facts of life. But, unhappy, unfun moments won't rule my life or take up the majority of my time.

Barrett and I have seen 3 movies in the past 3 weeks. It's been a blast. We saw Kung-Fu Panda during a matinee time on Friday. We were the only people in the theater without kids. It was so much fun. The kids talked and cried throughout the whole movie, but it was fun to just be seeing a cartoon! It was lighthearted and comedic. Then, on Saturday morning, we got up and drove to Orlando. We stayed at the Gaylord Palms (fantastically amazing!) and went to Universal Studios on Sunday. We rode all the rides and just played all day. I had such a good time!

I hope you find fun throughout your day. It is amazing how good a smile can make you feel. Even if you don't feel like you have something to smile about, just give it a try. I promise you will feel like you're having more fun if you're smiling and not frowning.

Being a Part of It All

2008-05-28T07:21:00.004-04:00

The audience clapped at the end of the Indiana Jones movie. Over the weekend, Barrett and I dared to see the new Indie movie. We were sure there would be long lines and crowded theaters, but we went anyway. The movie was decent, not an Oscar winner, except possibly for special effects. But when the credits began to roll, the audience clapped. I don't know if I've ever been in a movie theater in America when the audience broke out into applause at the end of a film. It reminded me of the Cayman Airways flight we took last summer. The passengers in the plane gave a round of applause when we touched down at our destination. This struck me as humorous and odd because I always thought of applause as an optional gesture when one is impressed by or proud of something or someone. But definitely optional. That means there must be an alternative, such as not being impressed or not feeling pride. When it comes to air flight, I don't see an alternative to landing the airplane. What, not landing the airplane? yikes. So, we clap if we land on the runway...we don't clap if we crash? It's just funny to me. Like it's an option for the pilot to land on the runway. But, I digress. Back to Harrison Ford and his famous fedora. I didn't particularly want to see the movie, but I saw it for two reasons. First, because my husband was counting down the days until the opening and I wanted to spend time with him. Second, because I truly enjoy being a part of big cultural events that bring strangers together for a common reason. I enjoy that feeling of buzz and excitement. There are not many things in this world that bring people together anymore. We live on our Palm Pilots, iPods, and computers. Most transactions these days are electronic. I think there's something to be said for a room full, stadium full, or auditorium full of real live people all brought together to enjoy an experience together. It's the same reason I watched the Indianapolis 500 this weekend as well. Granted, I wasn't there. But it still feels good to watch the race and to feel like I was a little involved. It's the reason I enjoy sports so much - bringing strangers together to cheer for the same team. We may not know the couple sitting next to us at the football game, but we all show up in the same colors, cheering for the same team, celebrating the same victory. I may never see these people again, but for a moment in time we were connected. I crave that connection. I love to be out in the world making those connections. I think there's something to be said for being a part of it all.

Directions

2008-05-19T10:37:00.002-04:00

After only one week in this crazy city of North Cuba/Miami that I now call home, I can navigate my way back to my apartment without any u-turns!! After dropping Barrett off at his first lecture this morning, which thank goodness was just down the road from our building, I knew exactly how to get home! It was a comforting feeling. I turned right, I turned left, then left again, then one more left, and I was at our apartment. It feels like a sense of accomplishment because just one week ago, I couldn't even find a grocery store. Now I can shop at two different Publix without getting lost. Well, I might get a little lost going to the one downtown! But at least I know its general direction.
This first week in Miami has brought me to reflections on our first few days in Cayman. Back to my tearful breakdown while we bought a televsion from a sketchy place by the airport. Back to buying a car that was way overpriced in a move of desperation. Back to my first day of work at Lone Star when I wore khaki pants and a nice shirt! haha Just back to the feeling of learning a new place and balancing my emotions of loneliness and sense of adventure.
I must admit that moving a lot has helped me become a confident woman. I left home at 18 for college and had to learn Ft. Worth, Texas on my own. Barrett and I moved, sight unseen to Cayman in 2006. Now, in 2008, we moved (again, sight unseen) to Miami. In all of these places I have to find everything new. Grocery stores, movie theaters, salons, jobs, restaurants. It's a little sad to not be grounded in one town with my own house, my own friends, and my own hang-outs. But I have a feeling that Barrett and I will settle down soon enough and get into that everyday routine. We are still young, child-less, pet-less, and mortgage-less. I will enjoy this while it lasts.
I am off to job hunt. Wish me luck.

New Beginnings

2008-05-18T10:34:00.003-04:00

After many months of prayer and positive thinking, Barrett embarks on a new adventure tomorrow - his first day at Ross University. This new school brings about lots of new opportunities for him. He knew that from the moment he mailed the envelope with his transfer application. He knew he had to get into this school. And he didn't take no for an answer. He had to knock down brick walls to get people to even hear his story. He persisted, pursued, and prevailed. He had more faith over this situation than I've even seen from him. He just knew this was meant to happen.
This new city, new apartment, new school, new everything only means one thing - that we are blessed beyond my comprehension. This did not happen on its own.
Barrett starts a new school.....and I start a job search. I am a little worried, but I will have faith just like Barrett did. Because in the end, after all my stressing, everything always turns out better than I ever could have imagined. Isn't it amazing how that seems to work when you just have faith?

Peaceful Beauty

2008-05-16T10:32:00.003-04:00

I want to share these beautiful pictures of Biscayne Bay at night. This is just down the street from our apartment. Enjoy.

The Patio

2008-05-15T11:13:00.004-04:00

My inspiration for this blog is the desire to catalogue my experiences, share them with others, and use them as a reminder to myself of how to live my life. I think it is too easy in this world to float through life, a day at a time, an hour at a time, and never leave the surface of the each moment. There is so much life beyond the surface, if you just take the dive below the whitecaps and waves.

For example, Barrett and I just moved to Miami. We have a fantastic high-rise apartment on the 17th floor in the heart of downtown. We have discovered the joy of eating meals on the patio overlooking the hustle and bustle of a big city. We sit there with the cars, homeless, and metro rail speeding by below while we eat our spaghetti or sandwiches. I take a break in between bites and soak up the sounds, the energy, and the love on that patio. There will be many times during my life when I look back on these patio moments and my heart will beam. Stressful times, scary times, lonely times, all when I feel as though life is too hard. But those patio moments remind me that I have a partner in life. He is in love with me and he truly enjoys just sitting on the patio, looking at the ocean, with me by his side. No distractions. Just us. These moments form the foundation of a marriage. It's not wedding vows, white dresses, signing paperwork, or moving in together. It's little moments like these that will get us through the inevitable hard times to come.

That, for me, is living the depth of the moment. It could have just been a turkey sandwich on the patio in between unpacking suitcases. But it wasn't. It was so much more than that. So much deeper than that.